Deliverance

I have never seen the movie, "Deliverance." I don't want to see the movie, "Deliverance." But I do like the song, "Dueling Banjos." And I do like the word deliverance.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gNuj8UkyC4 

When I pray, "deliver us from evil," what am I praying for? Usually I think about being delivered from bad circumstances. I want to be rescued. I want to be kept safe from harm. And usually I am thinking about physical things.

What I really need deliverance from is myself. I am my own worst enemy.

Just this past week I asked, "When will I ever stop hearing my father's voice in my head? There was a time when I was excited about my report card and I expected him to rejoice with me. He looked at my report card with all As and one B and said, "Next time that B won't be on there, will it?" It was never enough. There was always room for improvement. The goal was perfection, but perfection could never be reached.

When will I stop believing that it is never enough? When will I stop hearing my father's voice and instead hear my real Father's voice?

The enemy of my soul does not want me to hear the truth. He wants me to wallow in unmet expectations and defeat. He does not want me to rest in grace. He wants me to rely on my own righteousness. What a double edged sword that is. When I meet my expectations, I succumb to the sin of pride. When I don't meet my expectations, I either vow to do better next time or fall into the pit of despair. 

I stand in need of deliverance. I stand in need of grace.  I stand in need of being quiet before the Lord so that I can hear His voice saying, "Yes, you are not enough, but Jesus is. You are my beloved child. You did not chastise your children when they fell on their bottoms as they were learning to walk. You cheered every tiny success. Am I less of a parent than you? I do not sit in judgment when you try and fail. I cheer every tiny success."

"'Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord." Zechariah 4:6

Listening to my Father's voice. Walking the straight crooked path.